Sunday, November 30, 2008


This incident took place when I was in class I...a tender and impressionable age...when I was just starting to be introduced to the infinite world of cricket :), when my hair was just starting to develop spikes of their own, when my heart used to regularly beat loudly on seeing cute girls and when I became conscious of my weight and my fat butt (I was chubby back then :) )

I was the great chief of the playground in front of my house...My loyal subjects included children from the neighboring colonies and the trees that lined the playground... On a lazy Sunday I decided to hold an important meeting with all my ministers. The point which was being discussed was of prime importance. There was this peanut seller who used to encroach our playing area before we used reach the park at 4pm... The exact motive of this peanut seller was never quite clear... Maybe he was a CEO fed up with life and the peanut package he was getting...Maybe he was a terrorist who was setting up a control room admist the trees so that he could attack us at a crucial juncture and take over the vast kingdom over which we ruled.....

The next day, we decided to put our plan to the practice test...With perfect commando like training we swooped down the playground slide and ran a short distance across and scaled the huge banyan tree under which some seniors were playing cricket....I imagined myself to be one of the elite commandos belonging to the MARCOS group and grappling one of the tree vines, I tried to execute a perfect rope rappel from the chopper (the banyan tree) onto enemy territory soon as my feet hit the ground explosion blew me of my feet...

Unfortunately one of the seniors playing cricket swung his bat towards me accidentally and it caught me flush in the mouth....I still remember kneeling over, my mouth a bloody mess...all my front milk teeth gone and shouting "mission aborted.....the terrorists have got me !!!!" before collapsing in a heap and sacrificing myself to become an immortal martyr on my school land.

My friends, solemnly carried me on their shoulders to the school hospital and gave me a 21 lollipop salute before leaving. The rest of the story is quite funny because the dentist told to have as much ice cream and cold drinks as possible to stimulate the numbed area in my mouth and within 5 months I grew back my teeth...But the incident taught me to respect the commandos who put their duty before their lives.... I salute the commandos who saved the day for all of us and pay a tribute to those who put down their lives while fighting for our motherland.

Saturday, November 29, 2008


Some of the startling facts which hit me were during the recent terror attacks when I sifted through Shobha De's column were as follows. I have selected the striking ones :

1. Our city fathers have learnt nothing from the past blows to the gut. There was no one in charge when the city most needed a figure capable of leading from the front.

2. I hate to blame him, but the CM showed up outside the Trident when the crisis was nearly over.

3. With whom did the buck stop ??

4. We need to pay immediate attention to the requirements of our over burdened police force-those poor constables armed with nothing more lethal than laathis cant chase a rabid dog, forget about hard core, armed terrorists.

5. The police lack basic gear-helmets, bullet proof jackets, riot shields.

6. Minor politico move around with a convoy of police cars, security personnel, ambulances etc. Such privileges must be withdrawn and reserved for top ranking politicians only.

7. Where were our MPs ?? Priya Dutt, Milind Deora, Govinda, Hema Malini, Jaya Bachchan, our Mayor, Sheriff, Raj Thackeray, Uddhav Thackeray and Chhagan Bhujbal, the usual do gooders, one sees on TV panel discussions, so called activists, thought leaders and influence peddlers ??

8. The ones who deserve credit are the cops, the army, the commandos, tireless journos, magnificent hotel employees and guests of the hotel along with the BEST buses.

9. Mumbai is hemorrhaging and political tourniquets cannot save us. Radical surgery is required on the mighty heart of this great metropolis.

10. The "Spirit of Mumbai" tag is complete hogwash. I am not going to be the sentimental fool and holler "Salaam Mumbai' or 'What great people does this city have !! " or " We are the comeback kings".

Its time to shout, holler, "Wake up Mumbai and India". Fight back, fight back, fight back in a controlled way and make yourselves heard via controlled aggression. We will succeed for sure....


Some questions which I wanted to answer :

1)" i don't get the focus on the taj. i understand the whole symbolic thing of course"

The Taj is a 106 year old monument and symbolizes MUMBAI. If you destroy the Taj you destroy a lot of people's hearts. Imagine the Qutub or the Red Fort or the Taj Mahal being destroyed. To understand the value of the Taj , you have to BE HERE in Mumbai and feel it........

2) What can we do ??

We are all literate people. Try writing to your daily newspapers and express your opinion on a platform where the whole of India can hear you. (Many people will say that they do not have the time huh !!! )

Register yourself as an active voter and get yourself a voter ID.

You can visit any of the leading news channels like TIMES NOW and HEADLINES TODAY during breaks and tell them that you want to voice your opinions. Believe me...and I am not kidding...if they see that you are earnest enough and you have credentials, they do give you the chance...Try the Radio channels if this is not possible.

Write in to the prime minister....silly you say?? Try it....and read the official response that you will receive.... Does everybody promise to do something ?? or will you resume your normal life after a week ???

3) Why the sensational journalism ???

Had the TV channels not been risking their lives, coming in the goddamn line of fire and bringing you exclusive details, we would have been waiting for the fucking morning paper to know about what happened....Give them credit when it is due...But yeah, some insensitive questions could be avoided....

Any more questions ??? Throw them up and I will reply....Finally its over though...Cheers to our commandos, the two South African commandos and the doctors who saved innumerable lives.... One thing is for sure....we are united this time .......

Friday, November 28, 2008


Just an hour back I visited the President hotel...another five star hotel, a km away from the Taj and the Trident Hotel... My doctor cousin from Kolkata, Dr Prasenjit Chatterjee had arrived here in Mumbai for a conference and we had to whisk him away :) The roads were deserted and the only vans were those of TIMES NOW, NDTV, CNBC and ambulances.

My cousin is still visibly shaken up and his wife is repeatedly calling up to ensure his safety (Its his internet available Laptop that I have pinched :) )

Two choppers were circulating overhead and an additional commando force where rope dropped in... Almost 48 hours... India has really been held to ransom this time.... As the secretary to the Internal security Minister of India Kumavat held a press conference, some reporter asked him that why was there not an official count on the number of terrorists, he rightly replied that the main focus was on neutralizing and meeting their attack with hard resistance, an official count on the bodies and arrested would be done later.... You cant count when you are faced by gunfire....fair enough !!!!

Hold on India....we will get through....but this is far from over and we have not seen the last of it yet ......


Here in Mumbai, the atmosphere is electric and I mean it literally.... It probably is the most extreme act of defiance exhibited by the terrorists and as I type, the brave commandos are still combing the interiors of the Taj and the Oberoi Trident.... I have suppressed my anger...No practical use can come out of cursing the Government and some of their inefficiencies. No use can be extracted out of cursing the heartless terrorists who will either be killed or will be tortured by the Indian officials :)

My worst fear is that during the next elections some of the politicians might politicize this incident to fill their vote banks... Why is our voting still based on caste and creed ?? Why do the votes still go to the politicians who promise members of their caste and creed a brighter future ?? And ARE WE VOTING YET?? Sorry to say so, but us generation next are the ones who deserve the cuss words, us fuckers , we are the culprits. Being literate , a majority of us above the age of 19 still do not vote.... Why ?? How will competent leaders be elected ???? How will the illiterate politicians be weeded out ?? Sorry Generation next ...all our anger and misplaced sense of bravado and our cuss words aimed at the Government is utter bullshit.... Whom are we fooling?? Ourselves??
Stop cursing the government and start focusing on things you can do to help.....And what can the PM do ?? He can only calm us and appeal for order..... Its our Indian Intelligence which is a complete failure.... Will the PM now arm himself with a bazooka and stand guard over the Gateway of India ???....Let us be practical......

Is this the India shining we are dreaming about ?? Of what use is the 8 % growth that Chidambaram talks about if the families of the deceased are forgotten after four months? Of what use are the promises of being the new emerging economic power if we do not provide our commandos with proper bullet proof gear?? We pay them peanuts and expect them to take bullets for us ??? What about their families ?? Are the commando's families guaranteed a job in case the commando dies ??? India has gone past the stage where it could be saved by administering medicine.... India now requires surgery.What melted my heart and almost brought tears to my eyes was the way in which the people were shouting "Vande Mataram" and "Jai Hind" the moment the army contingent arrived. Situations like these require the army to take charge and it shows that the people place trust in them.......

My condolences to the families of Hemant Karkare, Ashok Kamte and Vijay Salaskar and my salute to the brave Indians who laid down their lives just so that we could sleep at night. Terrorism can never be stopped..its practically impossible... What can be done is the improvement of the recovery system..... False promises will not do.....The terrorists came prepared and determined....I wish we were half as well prepared as they were. My deepest sympathies are with all those who suffered and continue to do so...and I promise to play my part and vote this time....Angry shouting and cussing will not help...Strong and determined action will resound.... Let us ensure it this time.....People of Mumbai unite .....with all your hearts....People of India stand by us.....and together let us check what these destroyers of humanity threaten to damage.....

Tuesday, November 25, 2008


The power of a thousand actions lies in a single word. From Shakespeare to Lord Byron, the spoken word and lyrical ode have formed the cornerstones of English Literature. The dreamy eyes of a man whose soul is swimming in the ocean of love and the anguish of the woman's heart who has lost her lover have been immortalized in the works of these greats. The brilliant London mornings, the smoky Chicago afternoons and the hazy Delhi evenings effuse a romance of their own from within the superb works of literature.

The point to be considered is that whether John Abraham and Daniel Craig should walk the red carpet together and immortalize their names on the Hollywood walk of fame not by imprinting their hands or footprints in the wet cement but by leaving their butt prints and a pair of their yellow and blue swimming trunks embedded as well....Mind you, they would have to be very careful as they would not want themselves to get know what i mean :)

Besides the latest fad is the gay theme and it is becoming more popular by the day.... I read somewhere that Jai and Veeru were possibly gay and maybe Gabbar was gay as well because he challenged Basanti to dance on broken glass bits so that she could be put out of commission and he could have Veeru all to himself :) If you like gay jokes, you should definitely watch "The In Laws"....its hilarious.....

The latest thing to have struck me is that girls like sorry..sorry...sorry or no big big deal....Some mannerisms are really cute and bring out the inner playful child in them...When a girl laughs and smiles and tries to make you laugh...believe me...she looks really beautiful because there is nothing lovelier than a smiling girl and I know one such gem... :)

God created the cat with a purpose. I recently conducted an experiment to find out the effect of ice cubes on cats and the result was nothing less than explosive...My favorite silvertab shorts were reduced to cleaning rags and I narrowly escaped getting my underwear and legs reduced to minced bits.... :) I then realized that God created cats to scratch naughty boys who have nothing better to do....


Sunday, November 23, 2008


I am in an autobiographical mode today….My left hand is littered with several scars….One on my forearm…Three on each of my knuckles….three on my fingers and one on my palm……

The scars have taught me several important lessons:

1) Do not ever rush to someone’s aid unless you have the capability to take pain… I have been luckily blessed with the capability to absorb reasonable amounts of pain…..

2) Do not think that being a hero is easy…beating up the villains is not child’s play. 9 out of 10 times you will be beaten up instead.

I come from Lucknow, the city of Nawabs. Now Lucknow is divided into two parts, old Lucknow and the modern part known as Gomti Nagar. In old Lucknow there is a place known as Aminabad, famous for it’s numerous shops, notorious for the various murders it has played host to and feared for it’s social unrestlessness.

I had once gone to have a dekko accompanied by some of my friends at around 7 in the evening. Now Aminabad has several arms shops which sell air guns, pistols etc….All my friends crowded into the shops excitedly to have a look at the “pieces of art” :). I, on the other hand preferred to visit the aquarium across the street. I enjoyed myself thoroughly and learnt a lot about “kippers” and “guppies” that day.

As I was stepping out of the shop I happened to cross a dark alley which led to a rural Muslim settlement some metres away. My ears were literally pierced by a scream which rang out…I placed the scream to have come from a small girl and assumed that she must be in some sort of trouble… I looked around me…Everybody had either not heard the scream or else were pretending not to have heard it at all. I strode into the alley and was encountered with a truly disgusting sight.

A small girl about 8 to 9 years old was being held by three young boys…One of them was trying to perform some horrible activity with her skirt because the way he was tugging at it sickened me…The other two were holding onto to each of her arms. What truly shocked me was the age of the girl!! Such a small girl…Such a tender age…even small girls are not safe nowadays…. I let fly with some expletives and tried to scare the boys away…To my horror all three of them came flying at me…Two of the bastards caught me by the neck and arms while the third proceeded to slap me left, right and centre. The poor girl scampered off and stood at a distance and watched with her hands tightly clutching her braid.

I managed to free myself somehow and took the swine in front of me by the throat and proceeded to tear his shirt off…But I had discounted the other two…All of a sudden I felt something warm trickling down my forearm. The bastards had slit it with a vegetable knife…. A peanut hawker had arrived on the scene and confronted by the fight he ran to get some help….The pain was blinding…. Looking at blood makes me dizzy and the amount of blood flowing out of my arm made me nauseous… The boys proceeded to push me against a standing Bajaj Pulsar and to my misfortune the bike came down on my left hand…My left hand was flattened under the bike tanker and I was howling like someone on the verge of madness…… My howling did scare the boys away though :) They scampered like rabbits…. I do have a loud voice……People swarmed the place and rest of the story is as usual the same boring one…Everyone took me took me to a doctor…..I got patched up…blah blah blah and I kept smirking at the spineless asses who did not have the decency to react to the girl’s screams.

That is the story of my scars of some of the scars….My heart went out to the little girl and all the girls in general…. All my life I have treated the fairer sex with the outmost respect and never touched them without their permission…. The sight of the boys all over the little girl really made me feel ashamed of the male community…. I wish I could flog the bastards if I get another chance but first I must bulk up my body a bit…excuse me :) the dumbells are waiting :)


His hands were shaking….He curled his fist into a ball. The bottle, full of brandy a few minutes ago was almost empty now….Streaks of liquor stained the sides of his mouth and colored his spotless white shirt a shade of deep brown. His eyes were straining out of their sockets… His nerves were failing him…..He remained glued to his wicker chair as if he had been struck down by apoplexy.

The shrouded body which lay beside him now was moist with tears from his eyes….His hands wandered of their own accord from his side and removed part of the shroud to uncover the face…It was an angelic face…pale and fair with wisps of golden and curly hair peeping out from under the head……..

He remembered the day very clearly…This very girl had rushed into his arms…She was so full of life with her bright blue eyes twinkling and her petite frame warm and full of youth’s blessed energy. She had told him that she loved him dearly and he was taken by surprise….How could somebody love a sinner like him???? She clearly was not aware of his alter ego…his demonic other self…. But her face captivated him and her concern warmed his cold heart….Maybe… he thought in his mind, he was beginning to fall in love…..

He shook himself out of his reverie and knelt beside the girl’s body and spoke in a trance like state:

“Please oblige me this once my angel,

Please make me lonely once more,

Without you I cannot live,

I can now never tell you about my love for you…

Please oblige me this once,

Make me the lonely person I used to be…

Why did we break apart my princess??

Why did our love come to an end??

Sleepless nights and unanswered questions now haunt me…

Everything is incomplete without you…

I cannot bear this loneliness…

I cannot live without you….

Please oblige me this once my angel,

Please make me lonely once more…

Now that you are not here,

Your memories are in my mind and heart,

Your absence drives my tears,

Give me an excuse to forget you…..

I cannot bear this loneliness…

I cannot live without you….

Please oblige me this once my angel,

Please make me lonely once more.”

He broke into heartrending and piteous sobs as he buried his face into her cold shoulder……

He suddenly tore himself away from her body and strode across the dimly lit room and grasped the bloodstained surgical knife kept on the dressing table…Fever seared through his body as he recalled the horrible incident….

It had been as easy as ever….He had hid himself in the dark alleyway…He wanted to get this night’s exercise over with quickly… He had spotted a young lass skipping down the alleyway with bubbly energy and zest… In one fluid motion, he had grasped her by her hood and slit her throat using his knife…The exercise was over within a few seconds…He felt warm with delight as he stood shrouded in the London fog…With his toe he rolled his victim over to look at her face and slowly his blood turned to ice in his veins…. It was her…. He had sunk down to his knees tearing his hair out in desperation……. What a mistake he had committed!!!! How was he to know that she would come skipping into his cold arms where he lay waiting like an agent of hell??

The church bell chimes aroused him from his painful thoughts…… He looked at himself in the mirror and wiped his face clean…The hands had stopped shivering…He slipped on his gloves and cleaned the knife blade…He shrugged on his long black overcoat and breezed out of the room….. Jack the Ripper was out again….


All the stars of the universe are present in front of me….but I cannot spot my moon….my beautiful moon…. My eyes are moist, my heart is painfully heavy…..

Destiny…please let me meet my love…I beg of you….I plead in front of you…. Life is very short and full of pain and travesties. My heart is lost; confounded by the pain, sadness is my medicine. My life is colourless and my surroundings are bland. My moon, please awaken my luck and make me happy….give me some bliss…

Destiny…please let me meet my love…I cry before you….I plead in front of you…Please listen to my prayers….

I have fulfilled all the rituals of love and I have tolerated all the pain love has had to offer… My nights have been spent in tears….I have faced all the tests….Please give me my love now….Please answer my prayers….My foolish heart refuses to listen to any excuses…. Show me some signs of love or else remove my existence….The pain is overwhelming…. My life is tasteless…Please arouse my luck for me….Please listen to my prayers……

Please let me meet my moon….please let me meet my love…My heart cries out in anguish…..

Friday, November 21, 2008


Why do a majority of us suffer from a severe inferiority complex ?? Some of us are "overconfident swaggering ass***es" and the rest of us are plain underconfident....

Why are we not confident in our own abilities??? Why do we always feel that the other person's abilities supercede our own ????

Why do we concede defeat and always think that somebody else will selected/come first/beat us to the finishing line????

I am adopting a slightly different technique....I believe that I am the best....Nobody knows what I am thinking....Nobody knows what my next move is going to be......That is why champions succeed...because they are unpredictable....

Every hour of the day, every second of the night.... I believe that I am the best....There is nobody better than me....and I back it up by simply not letting the other person beat me.... You see, only if you concede defeat have you lost.....If you fight and then lose, you are still the have just had a bad day at the office :)

I am the best...I am not being overconfident...I am not being Jack Swagger....I simply believe that the other person has to beat me to undermine my claim.....I am ready for the fight....

So should everybody else be ready for the brawl...stop treating yourself like destitutes....All of you are the best in your chosen fields.....look for people to beat and stake your claim...If you want to have to PLAY THE GAME :)


Thursday, November 20, 2008


The enigma is going to be unraveled and the doors are going to open. The green light will burst forth and flood over all of you…the light will paint you, subdue you and make you look up to the ultimate mystery……..

I am the game, the code, the path to the grail….

If you want to know me better….you will have to play the GAME……..ABC….the paroxysm of hardness and the debt you can never pay…..

This is my level…my world…my rules……my weapons…..

For ages…I have been mowed around, kicked about and hurt…not anymore… The GAME is here….

Maybe I take inspiration from the original GAME….but then….it is all about who has control and who can take the dominance. I have never ending levels, each harder than the next….. I am the vortex, the unbreakable metaphor…..

You will get sucked in….you will be burnt in hell…you will kicked aside and left to die like a fool :) that is if I do not like you…if I do like you….then you will offered a choice to quit…because once you decide to play the GAME….you may have a hard time…

It’s all about the Game and how you play it……

Try me….try to know me…….because it is time to play the game……

Straight from hell, all fury will be let loose……if you survive….you will be face to face with the king of kings……

Every hour, every minute and every second….I have to back up my words and I do…because….I am the best….I am the GAME……


Wednesday, November 19, 2008


Dedicated to all terrorists and stupid politicians :

I watch how the moon sits in the sky in the dark night
Shining with the light from the sun
and the sun doesn't give light to the moon assuming
The moon's gonna owe it one
It makes me think of how you act for me you do
favors then rapidly
You just turn around and start askin' me about
Things that you want back from me

I'm sick of the tension
Sick of the hunger
Sick of you acting like I owe you this
Find another place
to feed your greed
While I find a place to rest

I wanna be in another place
I hate when you say you don't understand
You'll see it's not meant to be
I wanna be in the energy
Not with the enemy
A place for my head

Maybe some day I'll be just like you
Step on people like you do
And run away all the people I thought I knew
I remember back then who you were
Used to be calm, used to be strong,
Used to be generous, but you should have known
That you'd wear out your welcome and now you see
How quiet it is all alone

I'm so sick of the tension
Sick of the hunger
Sick of you acting like I owe you this
Find another place to feed your greed
While I find a place to rest

I'm so sick of the tension
Sick of the hunger
Sick of you acting like I owe you this
Find another place to feed your greed
While I find a place to rest!

I wanna be in another place
I hate when you say you don't understand
You'll see it's not meant to be
I wanna be in the energy
Not with the enemy
A place for my head

You try to take the best of me
Go away
You try to take the best of me
Go away
I wanna be in another place
I hate when you say you don't understand
You'll see it's not meant to be
I wanna be in the energy
Not with the enemy
A place for my head


I am so sick of the tension
Sick of the hunger
Sick of you acting like I owe you this
Find another place to feed your greed
While I find a place to rest

I am so sick of the tension
Sick of the hunger
Sick of you acting like I owe you this
Find another place to feed your greed
While I find a place, to, rest

Tuesday, November 18, 2008


Memories consume
Like opening the wound
I'm picking me apart again
You all assume
I'm safe here in my room
Unless I try to start again

I don't want to be the one
The battles always choose
'Cause inside I realize
That I'm the one confused

I don't know what's worth fighting for
Or why I have to scream
I don't know why I instigate
And say what I don't mean
I don't know how I got this way
I know it's not alright
So I'm breaking the habit
I'm breaking the habit

Clutching my cure
I tightly lock the door
I try to catch my breath again
I hurt much more
Than anytime before
I had no options left again

I dont want to be the one
The battles always choose
'Cause inside I realize
That I'm the one confused

I don't know what's worth fighting for
Or why I have to scream
I don't know why I instigate
And say what I don't mean
I don't know how I got this way
I'll never be alright
So, I'm breaking the habit
I'm breaking the habit

I'll paint it on the walls
'Cause I'm the one at fault
I'll never fight again
And this is how it ends

I don't know what's worth fighting for
Or why I have to scream
But now I have some clarity
to show you what I mean
I don't know how I got this way
I'll never be alright
So, I'm breaking the habit
I'm breaking the habit
I’m breaking the habit

Friday, November 14, 2008


Now, after a long time, a long, long time…I have smiled and posed for a photograph…usually I am like a grim reaper….. like Harman Baweja (expressionless while acting :) )….

Well , I did smile once before, when my kid brother was tugging off my towel which was loosely draped around my waist and I got clicked in an embarrassing position….Someone remarked, “Abhik, where are all your teeth ???” Tongue in cheek, I replied that they were firmly in my mouth…

I decided that it was about time…I put on Sultans of Swing : Dire Straits, real loud and smiled…and you know what ??…it felt really good :)

Thursday, November 13, 2008


Greetings all ya people….The time is right and the dose is tight…I thought that I would try my hand at rappin…yak no..The mike in hand…trash talking, rhyming thing …Well I have tried people…here it goes….And make sure you wear your pants down low :)

The thing is coming truly from my heart all ya,

I love life and all that it gives and it’s rad,

Permissions are not what I seek so don’t grant me some,

Fuck, Bitch, Cruise and all that jazz is not my fun…

The stage is set and I am the man you want,

I break bottles on heads and I straighten the runt…

If ya join me, why should I even care??

If ya go against me, I will rub you bare :)

The time is right and the disc is spinning,

I am in the right car and my horse is winning,

I m gonna take my chances and place my bets,

The race aint over yet until the horse is dead….

The bastards who think that touchin ladies is fun,

I will squash ur balls, lets see if you like it son,

Eye for an eye, hitch up your pants all you people,

If you wanna fight me, winning is not that simple….

So why don’t you stop and smell the roses,

Cause getting kicked in the butt is like lead shot doses,

My name’s ABC and if you are looking for me,

Just spot the next tiger and get mauled for free.


The presence of the shadow was haunting. It was bordering on supernatural phobia but it felt no more than the sixth sense tingling. She looked around and felt it again…The skin buds were tingling….warning her of danger. She hastened her steps and coagulated with the heavy crowd….The ocean was crowded that night…..The sky was starry and welcoming….

Her mind was preoccupied with the shadow…It loomed up at every corner; it peeked out of the remotest place…. She felt her fire in her belly. The fire was good….it warmed her. The warmth from heated coals was always pleasant.

She closed her eyes savoring the warmth and for the briefest of moments let her guard down. Silence rang out for those few seconds and when she opened her eyes the shadow was before her….It had captured her at long last. Tall, menacing, ruthless and brutal… stood before her…

She tried to shrink away…..but the shadow spared her no time…It violated her, pierced her….. She felt helpless….the pain was numbing….How strong and secure she had felt some hours ago!!! But this vile beast had destroyed her…She gasped…the pain was overwhelming…The monster was still inside her….then suddenly it let go…..Disaster poured in…

She was drowning….her soul destroyed; her dignity smashed, her virginity violated….She sank to the bottom and lay there….peacefully…. Her last thoughts were… “I am the Titanic and I am destructible“. Miles above her the savage iceberg silently floated further away into the dark ocean…..

Tuesday, November 11, 2008


Stars are often the hardest to reach when you try to infallibly reach them, by standing on tiptoes. The ones who jump up and grab them are the real heroes. Having fought his way through a million wagging tongues, apprehensible experts, homicidal critics and brutal marshes, Sourav Ganguly has finally called it a day.

If Kumble was subtle, Ganguly was overbearingly loud in his approach to the game initially, quite literally :) The ardor of the man was bordering on apocalyptic madness. His desire to succeed was raging through his veins like lava. Arguably one the best left handers the world has hated and loved at the same time leaves us with a legacy that could help bald men grow back their hair.

“When Sourav was discarded from the Indian team, he put up an extraordinary display of resilience and imbibed superhuman determination to prove his detractors wrong. He often used to get up in the middle of the night and awaken his house help. He used to clear the drawing room area and ask his help to throw plastic balls so that he could practice. This would often continue into the wee hours of the morning”

Sourav Chandidas Ganguly, the immortal controversial figure, the universal dada, the god on the offside, the arrogant brat who refused to carry drinks onto the field when he was the 12th man, the man who showed us that wrestlers are not the only people in the sports arena who can take off their shirts, the man who practiced in a park with two small bricks as stumps when he was unceremoniously dropped from the team….the man who gave Indian cricket the saber toothed edge…..

The essence of a hero lies in the manner in which he picks himself up bloodied and battered with sand crusts sticking to his face to fight one more battle. Sourav was the Julius Caesar (with something extra) of Indian cricket. Both were extraordinarily ambitious men, born leaders and arrogant in their own rights. Caesar defeated Pompey and took hold of a politically unstable Rome, while Ganguly took over the reins of the Indian cricket team when the country was recovering from the shocks of a grave match fixing scandal. Both Caesar and Ganguly accepted the crown of thorns. Caesar introduced a string of superfluous and excellent policies and commercial decisions which changed the face of Rome. Ganguly with his youth policy and his devil may care attitude infused the brash fighting spirit into the beggarly and defused Indian team. Caesar was betrayed by the man he trusted, Brutus, He was cornered from every side, stabbed and humiliated and finally laid to rest in a bloody mass on the very land he ruled. Ganguly was betrayed by the very coach whose job he himself had helped to secure and was humiliated badly.

But Ganguly did not die….he stitched his wounds back up and returned to the battlefield, hungry, bloodthirsty for runs and determined to cross out Lady Fortune’s curses which had affected his brilliant career.

The smiling Maharaj started off brilliantly at the beginning of his career, scaling new horizons, sailing like a Columbus, conquering and discovering territory when India toured abroad, following unbound precedents, dancing like a ballerina down the pitch and launching the ball into the crowd as if to say that the ground was not big enough for him and the ball together. His cover drives, like scones and tea on a sunny British afternoon, his square cuts like a Deverish swordsman aiming for the neck, his sweeps like the avenging Tsunami sweeping over helpless lands…punishing the opposition bowlers, literally all the off spinners of the world retreated back into the shadows on seeing him.

The man who spent lonely afternoons in a coffee shop on the South African tour when he was ignored by the rest of team, the man who preferred the company of a packet of chips and a stroll by the riverside to quell his anger at the injustice was in fact a stubborn man who hated failure. Sometimes when you hate failure badly enough, you end up winning. The man who tamed the Kangaroo, wrestled the Pathan and made the Jamaicans dance to his calypso was at one time the Don Juan of the cricketing world. Umpires were his least favorite animated objects on the cricket field and match referees were amongst his choicest friends. His policy of win the toss and bat first was simple and devastating enough. His aura was confidence personified….his sheer brutality in terms of giving it back to the opposition was stunning.

“Apne Dada ko to nahin bhule ???” the one television commercial which I am sure must have made true cricket lovers and Sourav fans cry or atleast have moist eyes once…. How earnest were his words!! How humbled was the man who once was the undisputed Lord of Indian cricket!! How mellow was the man who was once the king of brashness!!

From glory to dust, Sourav Ganguly has seen everything. From a prince to a pauper and then again back to being the Maharaj, the man with the magic touch has fought the eye of the sandstorm, been rudely polite :) and has also taught people how to pick up the towel once you have thrown it down. Straight talk and self assuredness are his greatest assets. India’s greatest ever captain ended his last test match at Nagpur in a most befitting manner. A mature and wonderful gesture on Dhoni’s part to allow him to captain the side towards the end for a brief interval , infused into him the lost energy and child like enthusiasm as the Maharaj for the one last time took to captaincy as a duck takes to water. As someone close to me rightly said that it was sad to see him not being interviewed during the prize distribution, but the prince did take his shirt off for the last time and closed the chapter on one of the greatest success and comeback stories in sports history. The Muhammed Ali of cricket has finally hung up his gloves. It made me cry….because I would never get to see the chequered bandana, the green yellow goggles, the nail biting and the play of a man who selflessly put his own successful opening slot on line to give India one of it’s current heroes : Virender Sehwag….. play in Indian colours. The man who quit tennis and football to turn to cricket deserves a tribute…..

Let us pay Sourav Ganguly the tribute he deserves. The man who was liked by some, hated by many but adored by millions has finally gone…..His memories will roam on the offside forever and his story will inspire generations to come…..His shirt will be firmly on his back and he will, I am sure give much back to Indian cricket because he has amassed so much from it…..

Sunday, November 9, 2008


1. I do not possess blue swimming trunks.

2. I do not have an Aston Martin DB with a cardiac revival system.

3. I have never been inside Queen Victoria's personal bedroom :) or bathroom :) [ I heard she had a crush on Bond].

4. I am bad at poker, I stink at fencing and I cannot stay under cover without going to the toilet for 15 minutes under pressure.

5. I like my orange juice stirred and not shaken.

6. I have no clue about keeping my shoes shiny even after chasing a fugitive through a dirty street and kicking the daylights out of him.

7. I am A ONE WOMAN MAN :) Sorry Bond, it looks good on you, but brother a piece of advice, either get a girlfriend or get married.

8. I cannot get my balls crushed with a steel ball and return to kicking butt within a week a la Casino Royale.

9. I cannot shoot a woman with a BAZOOKA for god's sake....give the woman a chance atleast :)

10. I am very poor at kissing unknown woman 5 minutes after meeting them.

11. For all those long missions does he have time to change underwear ?? Bond!! you unhygienic freak !!!

12. I have more hair than Daniel Craig :) Brosnan was perfect though :)

13. I cannot keep up with M's sarcastic comments knowing that that the old hag has a crush on me :)

14. I cannot kiss underwater for nuts :) Lotsa kissing is a perk though :) for Bond not for me :)

15. He is British :)

One common thing bonds us though,
Both of us are hot :) sizzling hot :) Am I kidding?? Well you decide :) CIAO

Friday, November 7, 2008


Caught in the whirlpool of file submissions in my college, the last few days were torture for me. I desperately sought a friend to help me complete my block diagrams while I struggled with my written work but all the damn monkeys had vanished after submitting their files on time. To top it all, I contracted a stubborn stomach virus. I suspect it had invaded my body after I had had a late night snack of Monaco biscuits dipped in liquid cheese. Maybe it was a carbohydrate complex…I thought that it was a damn protein….

The after effects of the virus caused me to occupy the bathroom for an extraordinarily long period of time. Most of the time was spent lying on the bathroom floor .One of my friends came over to my place as he was concerned about my illness. My piteous moans and groans shook the life out of him and he seemed poised to haul me to the hospital whenever the situation would get out of hand. But even he gave up after a while because he arrived at the conclusion that I was trying to merge with the bathroom floor tiles and spent his time watching a comedy flick about a terminally ill student on Star Movies.

I called up one of my family doctors who had settled in the south and asked him to treat me over the phone. Through his South Indian accent, I grabbed some of the points he stated for my welfare. “STUPID ASS” and “DO NOT EVER CALL HERE AGAIN YOU SWINE !!!” were the ones which left a profound effect on me. I contacted one of my pals, Dr Gautam Kumar. He is not really a doctor; as a matter of fact I am not sure if he is a person after all. He suggested that I drop my pants and roam about on the terrace in my underpants while carrying a dumbbell in one hand. This procedure he claimed, had cured many patients. After I threatened to smash his face with two huge bricks and lynch him with my old socks, irritated, he suggested another cure. He advised me to get hold of a rag picker’s shoes and smell them till I fainted. After regaining my senses, he promised that I would be fully cured. I cursed him with all my might and slammed the phone down after threatening to sell his body to Da Vinci’s descendants for exhuming. ( Did Da Vinci have relations ????? )

After this mentally disintegrating incident, I fled to the zoo and observed baboons curing their stomach aches by feeding on grass. I stealthily entered their cage to steal some of the grass, only to driven away by the guard who ripped the shirt off my back and gave me a red a** akin to a baboon.

Exhausted I reached home only to find a digene pill and a glass of water by my bedside with a small note which read “Dear Abhik, have this and please contact Monaco Industries for a job as they want a lab rat to test their new mint flavored biscuits on ….”


After match day 5

2008 First Phase - Group A

Overall Home Away

1 Chelsea 4 2 1 1 6 3 2 0 0 5 0 0 1 1 1 3 3 7
2 Roma 4 2 0 2 7 5 1 0 1 4 3 1 0 1 3 2 2 6
3 Bordeaux 4 2 0 2 4 8 1 0 1 2 3 1 0 1 2 5 -4 6
4 CFR Cluj-Napoca 4 1 1 2 3 4 0 1 1 1 2 1 0 1 2 2 -1 4

November 6, 20082008 First Phase - Group B

Overall Home Away

1 Inter Milan 4 2 2 0 7 4 1 1 0 2 1 1 1 0 5 3 3 8
2 Anorthosis Famagusta 4 1 2 1 6 5 1 1 0 6 4 0 1 1 0 1 1 5
3 Panathinaikos 4 1 1 2 6 7 0 1 1 2 4 1 0 1 4 3 -1 4
4 Werder Bremen 4 0 3 1 3 6 0 1 1 0 3 0 2 0 3 3 -3 3

November 6, 20082008 First Phase - Group C

Overall Home Away

1 Barcelona 4 3 1 0 11 3 1 1 0 4 2 2 0 0 7 1 8 10
2 Sporting Lisbon 4 3 0 1 5 3 2 0 0 3 0 1 0 1 2 3 2 9
3 Shakhtar Donetsk 4 1 0 3 3 5 0 0 2 1 3 1 0 1 2 2 -2 3
4 FC Basel 4 0 1 3 2 10 0 0 2 1 7 0 1 1 1 3 -8 1

November 6, 20082008 First Phase - Group D

Overall Home Away

1 Atlético Madrid 4 2 2 0 7 3 1 1 0 3 2 1 1 0 4 1 4 8
2 Liverpool 4 2 2 0 7 4 1 1 0 4 2 1 1 0 3 2 3 8
3 Marseille 4 1 0 3 5 6 1 0 1 4 2 0 0 2 1 4 -1 3
4 PSV Eindhoven 4 1 0 3 3 9 1 0 1 2 3 0 0 2 1 6 -6 3

November 6, 20082008 First Phase - Group E

Overall Home Away

1 Man Utd 4 2 2 0 7 1 1 1 0 3 0 1 1 0 4 1 6 8
2 Villarreal 4 2 2 0 9 5 2 0 0 7 3 0 2 0 2 2 4 8
3 Celtic 4 0 2 2 1 5 0 2 0 1 1 0 0 2 0 4 -4 2
4 AaB 4 0 2 2 5 11 0 1 1 2 5 0 1 1 3 6 -6 2
November 6, 20082008 First Phase - Group F

Overall Home Away

1 Lyon 4 2 2 0 10 6 1 1 0 4 2 1 1 0 6 4 4 8
2 Bayern Munich 4 2 2 0 6 2 1 1 0 4 1 1 1 0 2 1 4 8
3 Fiorentina 4 0 3 1 3 6 0 2 0 1 1 0 1 1 2 5 -3 3
4 Steaua Bucuresti 4 0 1 3 3 8 0 0 2 3 6 0 1 1 0 2 -5 1

November 6, 20082008 First Phase - Group G

Overall Home Away

1 Arsenal 4 2 2 0 10 3 1 1 0 4 0 1 1 0 6 3 7 8
2 FC Porto 4 2 0 2 5 7 1 0 1 3 2 1 0 1 2 5 -2 6
3 Dynamo Kiev 4 1 2 1 3 3 0 1 1 2 3 1 1 0 1 0 0 5
4 Fenerbahce 4 0 2 2 3 8 0 1 1 2 5 0 1 1 1 3 -5 2

November 6, 20082008 First Phase - Group H

Overall Home Away

1 Juventus 4 3 1 0 7 3 2 0 0 3 1 1 1 0 4 2 4 10
2 Real Madrid 4 2 0 2 5 5 1 0 1 2 2 1 0 1 3 3 0 6
3 Zenit St Petersburg 4 1 1 2 4 4 0 1 1 2 3 1 0 1 2 1 0 4
4 BATE Borisov 4 0 2 2 3 7 0 1 1 2 4 0 1 1 1 3 -4 2

GP: Games Played, W: Wins, D: Ties, L: Losses, GS: Goals Scored, GA: Goals Against, GD: Goal Differential, P: Points

The past few days have yielded some shocking results indeed. Being a die hard Manchester United fan, I was very and heartily pleased to see Chelsea whipped 3-1 by AS Roma. Chelsea were expected to win, at least draw this fixture but some cow dung like defending saw Pannucci make a mockery of Scolari's famed defence and score a goal much to Chelsea's embarrassment. Vuccinic added a brace to further Chelsea's misery before Terry pulled a scrappy goal back for his team.

Manchester United were held to a 1-1 draw by Celtic who after their 3-0 drubbing at Old Trafford seemed to play a new brand of attacking football in the first half. I was irritated to see Celtic field a "dirty" 5-5 formation in the second half. They defended earnestly before the power and curl on a Ronaldo shot in the 83rd minute caused Giggs to head home an equalizer and save United the blushes. Berbatov and Rooney's absence in the first half seemed to reduce United's edge as they put up a lackluster performance.

Del Piero is in stunning form as the Juventus star added two superb goals to kick Real Madrid hard and hand them a 2-0 defeat. I was surprised to see Casilass's wall positioning which handed Del Piero his second goal via a free kick. Robben's calf muscle injury will be expected to hamper Real further.

Arsenal and Fenerbache played out a boring draw and I could hardly keep myself awake.

Maxi Rodriguez scored a stunner for Athletico Madrid who were hard done by Gerrard's superb diving effort [:)] which handed Liverpool a farce penalty in the 95th minute which they grabbed with both hands.

It is going to be an interesting next few matches as the teams will go all out to top their various groups and I have sworn that I will put up posts covering the Champion's League and the Barclay's Premier league with my own unique oddball style of coverage :)

Keep watching :)